Holy spirit helped me. Hey friends. Well, it has been such a long, long, long time on this space. And I mean, I took my microphone today and. I was just like, what in the world? This thing is dusty. Like Santa, you just sat down and almost let life get the best of you. But found good for good. Honestly, thank. For God who. The matter will be due as always just there, ready to take our hand. He's always just waiting, saying my child. Just give me your hand and I'm going to pull you right out. So today I have finally. Returned after almost eight weeks of. Being absent. Thing the last time I recorded an episode, or I guess the last time I sat down to record an episode was August 3rd. I believe I had the last episode you're calling is unique to you. I'm scheduled to go live the very next day. And since then, Life has just life has been hitting me. Okay. I mean that very last episode, recording that thing. Was honestly. Such a huge, huge, huge push for me. I was in no way, shape or form mentally ready to do the recording, but I just pushed myself. You know, just to show up. And in hindsight, I think it was probably a good thing to do. And I think. It depends on where you look at this from. I think that I should have kept pushing myself. At least for a couple more weeks. Before school started. But then again, it's like, That's what usually happens. And then we have a bunch of people now who we are here. We are preaching the word. I mean we're seven. The Lord we are showing up on the outside. Very powerfully. But then on the inside, we are broking. We are all just a bunch of broking, sows. Seeking to do the will of the father. By showing up for other people while forgetting that. The father is not pleased. When we ourselves are broken on the inside because when we are hurting, our father is hurting also. All that to say that it's good to be back. and I hope that I can get back to a place of consistency. To be honest, when I took this microphone, the plan was to tell you. that this was going to be the last episode for the season. And I was just going to shut the whole thing down. And probably pick it back up again at some point next year. that was my intent. And so I have no idea why I just said, I hope I get back to being consistent. But with that being said, would that be in, said. How are you guys do in of how a bunch of you reach out to check and ask what's going on? Are we getting an episode this week? Are we not? And I just keep saying, yeah, I'm going to try to put something out tomorrow. And then I don't and then it's like, oh my God, I keep making promises and failing. But at the end of the day. Yeah. I just, I could not do it. I was just dealing with so much. I was dealing with so much anxiety, so much depression, and it's kind of ironic to people who know me. And of course what this whole podcast stands for. Because I'm typically someone who. Is I'm the go getter in your friend group? I'm the go getter? I'm the overachiever. I'm the one everyone comes to for motivation, for encouragement, for advice counseling. I am that friend. To everyone and not just even in my friendships, but even though my family, my parents come to me for advise, my sister is always calling about one thing or the other. People talk to me, people who are way older than me talk to me, they confiding me. They told me things and sometimes I'm thinking. Why is this presence only amoeba staying like I'm just a child. You know, but. That is just the doing of the Lord. And, and so this is the role that I play for many, many people. In this life. But what happens when. The one, everyone comes to need someone to go to and she does not find anyone. And that's basically you, what happened to me? I guess. In my situation, it was more of the people that you would typically go to. When you are down. I did not have access to them anymore in that capacity. And so it was all a. Sarah you're on your own. It's all on you. All these things are a cause of oil, bad decisions, and you know how the devil does go is, you know, how the devil. When he starts to remind you. Of what you did 25 years ago before you were even in your mama's womb. He would just start dragging all these things up. All the things you forgotten about, they will start coming to memory. And it would seem as if you had just lived that day yesterday. And so very quickly. It just starts with maybe one disappointment and then suddenly you find yourself in a state where. You feel. Like you have no one to turn to. And you feel very far from God, even though, you know, you can just say, father, would you help me? You still feel very far. And so instead of doing that, you just kind of sit back and then you begin to hate God. You're like got him. I am angry at you. I'm mad at you. Like why do you keep letting this thing happen to me? I thought I was your child. Why does this keep happening? I am. I know where do you have this am? I know where the, of that. And then at that moment also comparisons that's the coming cause then you start to look at yourself and you start to compare yourself with other people, friends. You grew up with people you attended school with life is changing for everyone in your just seemingly stuck. And this place. That is no moving. And one thing I've come to realize is that. Growing up. We always seem to be on the same level. Almost everyone went to a school where there were probably the rich kids and the poor kids, and then the middle class trying to act rich. And then the middle class who just didn't really can. So they were okay. Being passed over as the poor kids and. You were all in the first grade. Second grade, third grade, fourth grade. A few exceptional people, maybe you got promoted and things like that, but once people got promoted, three weeks into the new semester. You don't even remember them. No longer your friends. And so you kind of just move on in life, you know? But I feel like life really starts to change once she gets to high school. Almost everyone makes it to high school. you finished that. And now it's time for union. This is where the brick starts to happen. Some people don't make it to uni. Some people. And up maybe leaving if you, if you're a gun yet. And some people ended up leaving the country too. Pursue the undergrad degrees in America, UK, Canada. Somewhere in Europe are very far from home. Some people make it to the regular. Schools and the cone tree. University of Ghana, maybe some people who can afford maybe a bit more, make it to the privatized institutions. For college. And then some people just don't have any of those options or some people just also choose not to have those options. Some go into doing their own thing, starting your own businesses or whatever it is. And so you go through college, another four years passes by, at that point, you start to see a bit of a disconnect. Right. But it's not so strong because a huge number of you are still in university. And so it's like, okay, are we all going through with first year, second year, third year, fourth year. Okay. Now we done. And that's where the drama starts. Once university is done guys, once university is done, oh my God. Some people go straight into grad school. I'm talking maybe masters or some even PhD level. I have friends like that. Right. And then some people. Parents, maybe got connections is again, as if you're back home, parents got connections as a, you get into some good job up to your national Savvis. Oh, here in the us like me. And pet the fever of God. You find yourself in a good company. To just start working. enter then after undergrad, and maybe you give it a year or two. And then suddenly you have people who went straight to pursue their masters, begin to finish that. And so now it seems like they've sort of come up on top of you. the people pursuing their PhDs. It kind of still sucks for them because they probably still got like two more years of school to go. Right. And then you will, the working girl or the. Yanno thinking, okay. I need to start doing my masters. If you're back home. You're probably starting to look out schools and the us, UK, Canada, again, anyway, in the era of, you're just trying to get out of the country. And then some people are also getting married and having babies, I mean, life is just changing. People are dating all over the place. Relationship goes. I mean, God is coming through for some and. To you who is not experiencing maybe all of that and just, you just have so much happening around the same time. Maybe like me, you're working. Full-time you're in grad school full time. You're doing ministry full time. You are doing your own entrepreneurship thing on the side food time. It starts to really get a lot to really, really quickly. Oh, if you're not like me, then maybe you're done with uni, but you haven't been able to secure a job. You're just there. And we're not plan. You have nothing going on. And so there's like different tiers to it. There's different levels to it. But for everyone in all the different levels. We're all going through some stuff. We all going through some things that we are not speaking about and in some weird way. As we begin to approach that age of 25. We suddenly begin to have a quarter life crisis. And I never thought I would be one to experience this. Because I sort of have my life figured out. my friends. Did you see, so now you have your life figured out, like you've got things going on for you. And I'm like, eh, I do, I shooed, right. I should have my life figured out. I mean as a child of God and you know, the scene, the way my life is going, like it should be figured out. But for some reason, that's not. And so very quickly you begin to. Decline and to the states of depression, because you are beginning to compare yourself. You're beginning to compare the stage in life. They got at with where other people at forgetting that. Life is in stages and not everyone travels the same stage at the same time. thank you. Holy spirit. If you look at a train, right. If you look at a chain. There is like different cars on the train. Right. Whoever is in the first. Car. Let's call that stage one, for instance. And then the second car stage two and so on and so forth. If you happen to be in the first car. And there is a target line that we are supposed to reach. That's the destination. Whoever is in the first car. Is going to get to that place first. Correct? And then followed by whoever's in the second car. At the end of the day, it does know much at the speed at which you used to get to that destination. It matters how well you traveled to get to that destination. Because for those of you in the second car, Your journey is different from that passing in that first car. And even just imagine if there was another chain coming from a whole other direction, come into that point. They would also have. Different. Pat's and so the person in car, one of the first train that we were talking about, Travel's a different journey than even the person in car. One on the second train, that's traveling a different path. But at the end of the day, we are all making it to that point. And so we are suddenly at this point in life where someone is in the first class, someone is in the second car because someone is in the third car on a whole other train that's coming from like maybe Bangladesh or something like that. Someone is on a bicycle now racing to get to the chain. Someone's probably not even waking up. To start the journey to the chain station. But what matters is that? By the grace of God. We are going to get to that finish line. Some would get to it quicker than others. But at the end, we are all going to get to that point. And so I was in this place where I was beginning to. Questioning a lots of things and doubts and lots of things in my life. I goes, you said this about me. I received this prophecy. You spoke this word over me. Your word has assured me of this when I read the scripture. I see. So and so, and I see that this is how my life should be moving. But I'm not seeing that. Like what's going on God. what actually is going on. Are you just playing mind games with me or. I just, I don't understand, God, I need to understand. so I began to go on this downward spiral. Where I started to doubt the word of God that was spoken over me because I felt like I should have been at a certain point and I wasn't there yet. And even though it seems to others, I'm doing well. It just seemed to me like I had accomplished nothing. And I just kept going down and down and down. Until I completely hit rock bottom. And I could not even. Liv to myself, even just a little bit to show up on this space, because I thought it would be hypocritical for me to come in and sit here and talk to you about how to be the best version of yourself When I myself was. somewhere. I didn't even know where I was. I was, I was so lost. I was so far gone. But thank God for good. Hey, you guys good for good, because God is so patience with us. God is so-so patients with us and he truly loves us. And when the word says that he will leave the 99 to come up to the one, it is so, so true. And I've experienced that heavily, especially in this last week. I started to get to a points where. I was stressed. I was getting into much way. if I mentioned that amount of weight I have gained. And just a few months. You are just going to be like, what, like, what are you talking about? I woke up one day, I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked ugly to myself. I was disgusted with myself. I had slipped into bad habits. I just looked, I was just like, what is this? And then at that moment, I thought, okay, to me and see guys, this is why he needs to read the, where this is why he needs to know this scripture. So that's when you need it at that time is when you know, life is hitting. You. Something would just come off of your spirits. I really began to feel very disgusted at myself. And then the scripture that talks about a body being the temple of God, came to mind. And I was like, no, you know what? God has done too much for me. He has done too much for me, for me to just sit down. And just waste away. And so I was like, you know what, I'm going to hit that gym. I'm going to start eating healthy. I don't like fruits and vegetables, but I'm going to find a way to include them more and more into my food. I'm going to get started on smoothies. And guys, when I tell you that I prayed, I told God, I want to be able to eat this thing because I know that it's as good for my body. I know that it is good for me. Helped me. Make it tasty so that I will be able to consume it. so I went on Instacart, ordered a bunch of stuff from Costco. I started working out. the first week I went to the gym every single day, John, Chris moody every day, cut down heavily on calves today, eating veggies, finding a way to satay a when God gives you wisdom. Yeah. Uh, things that never used to taste good suddenly started these good, because now Yvonne look, some recipe. And there is a P is just, it's just hitting all the points. And so I started to do that. I started to get my groove on basically. But in the next point of attack came, when it was like, okay, I've sort of changed my life for a bed. I've changed my eating habits and all that. But. The scale. It's not going down like, oh, what's going on here? Let's kill us though. Going down. But thanks to people like grow with jo, who keeps saying don't focus on the skill, just focus on how you feel. I was like, okay, well the weights may not be going down, but I'm feeling healthier. I'm feeling lighter guys. When I'm telling you that I actually was feeling sick. We saw prior to making this decision. Like I was feeling like something was about to happen to me, like my chest area. and I've not shared this with anyone, but I was feeling so sick. I literally thought, you know what, Santa, if you don't get up, And do something with your life. You're going to die. Because I was just, I was not feeding myself. I was tired constantly. I was depressed. I had no enthusiasm for work. I was just dragging myself through the things that were necessary for me to do. AKA any the work, if not, I'm going to get kicked out and I'm going to be homeless. AKA. I need to at least submit the assignments, if not, I'm going to fill the class. And I did not take that loan. To fill the class. And so just the energy to do those things that I needed to do. It just took so much for me. And I was like, you know what? No. This isn't the way God made me to have a fulfilling life on this earth. What am I doing? And so I begun this journey and in the last week I have not been to the gym yet because work and school has just been crazy, but I've made it a point to make sure that I have worked out indoors. The ride hammer pod, man. Walking back and forth. Then saying, you know, just staying active, drinking more water. And when I tell you that I am feeling great. Or through and through. Like God is just so fateful. And once I began to make these changes and see, I didn't start making the changes from the spiritual point. I started from the physical. And this is what has been so interesting to me that God. He truly cares about it, or He cares about my physical appearance. He cares about every single thing about me. Once I started to do those things. He slowly began to encourage me to get back into doing my quiet time. You know, even if it's just five minutes a day, just read the YouVersion plan, just get through it, pick something, memorize a scripture for the day. And so slowly I began to do that. And then as I began to do that, he begun to push me into a place of prayer. I would just be, then I'll just feel like speaking in tongues. I would just start, like, even right now I'm feeling so much in my sweat. Like just, just praying. And another thing he brought to you was just praising him dancing. And there's a testimony I'm going to share maybe on the next few episodes, because I see that this is already a like positive 20 minute amok. and there's a painter edit when it's a lot. But. I started to do. These things slowly, just rejoicing in the Lord fellowship. And then him recognizing that. No one on this, at this coming to save me. No, man, no woman is coming to save me. Christ has already done this evening, but it is up to me. To see the Lord I'm opening up my heart. I'm acknowledging that you died for me. I am accepting you into my life and I'm giving you the go ahead to come into my life and disrupt everything that is not of you. So that I can begin to be transformed into that, which you made me. it really took coming to that place. For me to begin to find myself again. Find myself in the Lord and begin to answer the questions of why am I here? Why did the Lord put me here? And so guys, I just want to encourage you. I'm cutting this short prematurely short, but. I just want to encourage you. Honestly, I don't remember how I even started this thing and how we got here, but just know this. God cares. He cares about the little things He cares about that thing you're going through. No matter how little, no. How trivial it may seem to you. See, He gets it. But are you willing to let him in. Are you willing to see the Lord? Just just, just come and help me just, just come in and take over. I can't do this thing on my own. Like, God, you knew. You know, I don't have to talk a lot. It's like, you know, you know, the things I'm dealing with, you know, that the hidden sins, you know, the things I'm battling, you know, I'm battling with masturbation, you know, I'm battling with pornography, you're not be meeting that married man in the corner. You know, I've been doing this on my pastor. You know, you know, you know that I'm, you're stealing small, small from the church, like Lord, you know, But you have to come to a point. Where you are willing to let those things go. Because until you make up your minds, actually let addictions and things go. You. C lemonade and get into another topic. Until you make up your mind to let those things go. It doesn't matter, which man of God, which uncle of God prays for you. Your main day. And you continue to be disgusted with yourself in your scene. To just come to a place. Where you number one, acknowledge that. Okay. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I recognize that God can help me. Number two, don't compare yourself to people around you. See. Everyone is on their different genu. Everyone is in different stage and everyone is dealing with their own bag of problems. So just focus on you. And focus on God. Focus on God. Focus on God and just ask him, Lord, what am I supposed to do today? Lord, what is the plan for tomorrow? Lord. What is the plan for my life? Lord? What do you want me doing today? What would you have me doing today? How can I get over this thing? How can you heal me? How can I get out of this addiction? How can I break free? And truly come into a place of repentance. And allowing the holy spirit into your life to do that, which. He is meant to do in your life. And trust me, if you start to take the little steps that you need to take. You start to work out. It's just 10 minutes, a day, 10 minutes, Cod you in the morning. Nothing, nothing crazy. Just something just to get, you know, your blood running, just to get your juices running. Just something small. Spend five minutes with God. See some of us we've made our soaps too busy. We are busier than. Jesse. I don't even know what we are doing, but we are so busy. We can't even find five minutes to spend with God. Just find time. Just find time if you make time for good. He will make time for you. In fact, he has already made time for you. He's just waiting for you to see that. Good. Okay. Every morning, 6:00 AM to six, 10:00 AM. It's me or you let's talk. Let's let let's talk. One-on-one bestie to bestie. Month to month who wants a woman? God to this one. Human for that child. Let's talk. Let's just, Just finding the little things, finding the little things, making the small changes, eat healthy. There's nothing wrong with eating junk once in a while. Yeah. But eat healthy, make little changes. And talking to most of my female friends, I've realized that most of us are struggling to wake up every morning. It's like when you have to wake up, is this, but so you have to fight. But most of us, we, I just had the police will be as stressed. Working out is going to change your life. Trust me, working out, eating healthy. Uh, the word of God. Read a chapter in the Bible. The Bible says. Your word, have I hidden in my heart that I may not sin against you? So if the word of God is not hidden in. if you don't know where the, where they're seeing means that you will sin against God, because you don't even know what thing pleases him and what thing does not pleasing. So please guys. I know it's been so long and this is not even what I meant to talk about. I the plumbers come in and tell you, I have not been here. And you know, the fact that, eh, this is coming to be last episode, blah, blah, blah. But. This God eh. There's God. He had his own way. And so I just hope that you pick something from this. Hopefully in the next few episodes, we can talk more about the rebranding that I'm thinking about for the podcast. I believe that the Lord has given me a word. I believe that. He shown me bits of my calling. He's shown me a few specifics in this past week. And, um, just really meditating, praying over it, you know? More on that's a combat. This is already out there almost 30 minute muck. So I'm going to leave a hand. I just prayed that. Even as I've been able to find my comeback with God, that whatever situation you are going through, you would trust God to help you. You would give him your yes. So that you can begin a renew journey with Him. God bless you. I love you guys. And I'm so honored that you choose. To stick around, even though things haven't been quite consistent on my end. I truly, truly appreciate you or. Next episode, we're gonna celebrate some of the milestones that the podcast has received. And I cannot wait. I cannot wait to share that with you all, but. Yeah, God bless you. if this has been another better place, I truly apologize. I had no plan. I wanted to sleep, but I was like, you know what, let me just pick up this mic and record something. So I hope that this blessed you. I hope that the Lord who speaks to you, that, which He needs to speak to you and that you would encounter him. To this episode. Until the next one, guys, keep it thriving.